“I am”

My daughter and I were doing language arts this morning. I was showing her how adding “ing” to a word means something is happening right now- present tense. I was showing her with the word “call”… if we change it to “called” you would write “I called her”. Past tense. And with adding “ing” it changes it to “I am calling her”. Present tense. And in that moment when I spoke the words aloud “I am…” God pierced my heart. And God spoke so clearly to me…. “I am”.

I’ve been wrestling with feelings of doubt over belief, dread over expectation, fear over faith. And my spirit has just kind of slumped inside me, leaving me almost paralyzed inside. I haven’t been living in the moment – but living in what could happen, rooted in my fears and unbelief. Living in the “good days” of the past, not truly believing God can continue to and take me from glory to glory. Not living with the eyes of a child, who takes in life in awe and wonder, but with a heart of dread, let down, and cynicism. And all it took for God to pierce my heart and wake me up were the words “I am”. He IS. Present tense. Always has been, always is, always will be. The eternal God, limitless, boundless, infinite.

And my spirit leaped inside me, taking me out of doubt and back to belief. Out of fear and back to faith. Out of dread and back to expectation. Returning me to the lover of my soul – who says of Himself “I AM”. He IS compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithful”. He is. Never changing, never moving. Putting my faith back in God alone, and not the outcomes. The only limit to my faith are the limits I set – because He is the infinite, boundless, limitless God. Who can do anything. “I am.”

– By one of our precious homeschool mommas.